You’re told to forget the past, live in the present and look towards to the future. That is easier said then done. The past is never easily forgotten. It lurks in the shadows waiting for that moment to strike. That moment when everything in your present is how it should be. That moment you thought was impossible. That moment that you think nothing can touch and destroy. That is when the past strikes. It invades the present and takes over your future. Another thing people like to tell you is you can’t escape your past. With things like facebook and instagram that has never been more true. When your past consist of a 6 foot 3 gorgeous blonde and a 6 foot 1 dashing brunette both of which are mega stars forgetting is no longer an option. And even though you may be at the start of something amazing with a guy who’s way out of your league, twitter is constantly reminding you of what you’ve lost. Not to mention what someone else has gained.
Have you ever experienced something that no matter how much you talk it out with yourself the only way it makes any sense is if you share it with someone else? Like when you’re younger and you can’t decide on the perfect gown for prom. You know you love the color blue and that whenever you wear pink it washes your skin completely out. Yet when you go to the store and try on a blue dress and then a pink one you have no idea which to choose. You walk away without a dress. But the next time you take your best friend with you and within minutes she’s telling you what you’ve known all along, go with the blue. The choice had always been so obvious but you needed that little push to help you see it. In every sense of the word I was dating Jason. We had dinner dates, and movie dates and some dates that ended with one of us staying over the other’s apartment. Yet we still hadn’t had the talk. If you’re a girl you know exactly what talk I’m talking about. That conversation that puts labels on exactly what you are to each other. The one where you finally say the words boyfriend and girlfriend, as if that finally makes everything you’ve been doing and feeling real. That whatever you had been doing before was just make believe. It was the prom dress all over again. In my head I had no idea where I stood with Jason. Was I still just that girl he called for a good time or was I something more? I needed someone to tell me if Jason was my blue dress?
Sometimes in comics they have what they call a filler issue. It’s that issue that doesn’t serve any purpose to the main plot line. An issue that you can skip without worrying you’ll miss a key part of the story. They tend to be silly. Sometimes they don’t make much sense. All in all they serve as a sort of break to the reader. I chance for them to catch their breath. My life needed that filler issue. I needed a night to forget everything. To forget about Chris and Henry and even Jason. I needed a breather from my life. Luckily that’s what girlfriends are for. Even when each time you’ve hung out with that girlfriend turns into a bit of a disaster. I had decided to give things a chance with Lilith. It wasn’t her fault I had woken up laying naked in front of my neighbors door and it certainly wasn’t her fault that my ex boyfriend showed up in the middle of my eggplant parm. I needed a friend right now. Yes I had Ryan but there’s some things that a girlfriend gets that no man can understand. She gets that despite having Jason I wonder what things would have been with Henry or even Chris. And even though I may wonder it she gets that I never want to see either of them again. Woman are complicated. Ask any man and he’ll tell you that. I needed someone in my life that got my kind of complicated. Thankfully Lilith was up for the task.
It’s funny how we think we are over something but yet we keep coming back to it. Sure this could relate to so many things in my life. I can’t seem to escape my exes but that’s not what I’m referring to this time. My tendency to drink a little too much is another thing I like to rinse and repeat but that too is not the something I’m talking about. Actually you’ll be surprised to know that the one thing that I thought was completely gone from my life that won’t seem to stay away is running. Yeah I know the thing I at one point despised with all my heart is the one thing that now is giving me some peace. After my break up with Chris I tossed running aside much like Chris did to my heart. I just couldn’t lace up my sneakers without thinking about how much he had hurt me. Each step was a painful reminder of what I had lost. It was no surprise that I hung up my shoes and gave up my dream of ever running a marathon (not that that was ever even close to my dream). It was easy to break up with running. I thought this would be the one relationship that I would never think twice about again. And I didn’t for a long time. But as I said before we can’t escape our past. When I moved to San Myshuno I took up yoga as you know. Remember I was afraid to leave my apartment but didn’t want to turn into the 600 pound woman. Things were great with me and yoga. We understood each other and complimented one another. I was finally in a relationship that made sense. It was easy and comfortable. We were perfect for each other. The problem with perfect is it doesn’t last. Easy and comfortable gets boring and stale. Sometimes we need that challenge even though we know it will do nothing but hurt us.
Old habits die hard or don’t die at all. I had mentioned that there were a few things that I always came back to. One was boys, the other was torturing my body and the last thing was drinking a little too much. To some it may look like I have a drinking problem. Some would say you can’t solve your problems at the bottom of a glass. That an extra drink or two only makes things worse. I’d agree with all of these things but when do I ever listen to my own advice. What reason did I have to drown my sorrows. If you were watching my life on the big screen you would say this girl had it good. And by all appearances it was. I surviving on my own in a new city. I had made new friends, something that had always been a challenge for me. I may not be able to call Jason my boyfriend yet but I was in a relationship with an incredibly sexy man. A man who by all accounts was way too good for me. Who in another life would have never given me a second look. My life was like a movie. One of those Tom Hanks Meg Ryan rom coms that everyone ends up with their happily ever after. The thing about those movies though is they don’t really exist. If my life was really like that then then why did I find myself alone at a bar in the middle of the day already working on my fourth beer. Why did surviving feel more like struggling? Where were all these new friends I had made? And who was I leaving a drunk voicemail? A voicemail that said how much I missed them, especially how much I missed being wrapped in their arms and their lips on mine. Even in my drunk state I knew that voicemail wasn’t left for that incredible man I was dating.
Do you know the best cure for a hangover? It’s not greasy diner food or some strange concoction made up of whatever is left in the fridge. The best thing to cure that pounding headache and that wanting to vomit ever second feeling is a hot shower and the realization that you need to forget the past, live in the present and look towards the future. For me that meant forgetting Chris and Henry once and for all Giving Jason and I a real chance at our rom com romance. Knowing something amazing was yet to come. A future that was closer then I realized.
If you’d like to download any of the characters or builds you see in this story I will post the links to them below, along with a great big thank you to the creators!
Erin created by swcheppes
Ryan Reynolds created by Milkman2585
Chris Evans created by yddam98