The saying goes that good things come to those who wait. What about those people who wait for that last bus only to learn an hour later that they stopped the service for the night. Or the that person who waits until they have enough money to afford tickets to see their favorite band only to be told the show is sold out. Nothing good came from me waiting until I knew how I truly felt about Henry before I was completely honest with him. I know I wasn’t innocent, that I was at fault for what happened. I knew continuing things with Jason jeopardized what I had with Henry. The thing is I didn’t know what I had with Henry until it was too late. I hate always bringing it back to Chris but isn’t that how the story goes. Girl falls in love, girl gets heart broken, girl is scared and unsure about falling in love again, girl compares every relationship to old one, all of girls new relationships don’t stand a chance. Henry always had the potential to be my next great love story but I wouldn’t allow myself to fully get there because of my last love story. I wanted to be sure of my feelings before I let myself go down that road again. I thought waiting was the right thing to do for me, that good things would come to me. But I had never been so wrong.
I was unsure of hanging out with Lilith again after what had happened the first time. She had given me the drugs that led to one of the worst nights of my life. I could have said no. Remember you can always say no. Neither of us knew the effects it would have on me. She did it all the time and never woke up naked in front of her neighbors door. How could I blame her for that. Besides I needed a friend at the moment. I needed someone to tell me I wasn’t wrong for stringing two guys along. That I didn’t just ruin my chance at love and that I would find it again and I wouldn’t be alone for the rest of my life. I was unable to convince myself that any of this was true. A friend would hopefully have better luck.
Have you ever heard the expression when it rains it pours? That was the perfect way to describe my love life at the moment. It seemed no matter where I went I caught the eye of a new man. Shockingly this wasn’t the first time in my life that I was the prize everyone wanted. Back in high school there was a three month period that I was queen. I could have any boy I wanted and every boy wanted me. It was right after things ended with Oscar. It seemed the perks or breaking up with a local celebrity out ranked the perks of dating one. Somehow boys thought Oscar’s celebrity had rubbed off on me and would then in turn rub off on them if they dated me. They quickly learned that theory didn’t pan out. As quickly as each relationship started, it ended. I was dethroned a few months later by the next new fade (that being Lisa Cabe who left for summer break looking like Punky Brewster but came back looking more like CJ Parker.) I was back to being the geeky girl who prefered the company of made up superheroes to real life people. It’s funny that now during my second coming of popularity it would be with people pretending to be super heroes. That didn’t mean what ever new power I had acquired didn’t work on the ordinary Joe. Today’s Joe was our waiter. To be honest I didn’t even notice. I didn’t even bother to look up when he was taking our order. But Lilith couldn’t help but stare. She swore that from the moment we sat down he hadn’t taken his eyes off me. The last thing I wanted to hear was I had new admirer. I didn’t want to tempt fate and add a new guy into the mix. As they say in football the best offense is a good defense. So that’s just what I did, I played defense. I wasn’t going to lead on another man who would eventually break my heart. I kept my eyes down and refused to look fate in the face. The thing about fate though is you can’t avoid it for long.
You’re probably wondering by now why is this chapter POW! KABOOM! Shouldn’t that have been last chapter. What could possibly be more explosive then losing what could have been the love of your life? Losing Henry certainly felt like I had been punched in the gut, but how I felt that day with Lilith was ten times worse. Think about a time when you were shaken to your core. Where it felt like your whole world was crumbling down and all you could do was sit there and watch. That wouldn’t even come close to how I felt that day, in that restaurant. That restaurant! If I hadn’t ever heard of Tony’s oh how my life would have been different. If I had never ran into that delivery boy delivering lunch from Tony’s to my neighbor I would still be the same person I was a day ago. If I had never suggested to Lilith we meet there for lunch that day my heart would still be in one piece or at least only partly broken because of Henry. Instead my life changed, I could never be the same and my heart was shattered. The last time my heart was this shattered there was only one person responsible. It’s funny how we are doomed to repeat so many things in our life. That same person who shattered my heart was back for round two. It just so happened ordinary Joe wasn’t so ordinary at all. And he didn’t go by Joe but by another name, Chris.
So how does a big time celebrity go from battling gods to serving chicken parm you ask. Chris had always been a method actor. He felt the only way to really perform as his characters was for him to live their lifes. When he was cast as the huntsman in Snow White he lived in a wood cabin for a month only relaying on himself to catch and kill his dinner. For Rush he took race car lessons and nearly got himself killed, that was a hard few months. The only explanation for him standing in front of me that day, apron and all, had to be for a role. But the question remained, why did it have to be in the same exact restaurant that I was having lunch in discussing with my friend about my trouble with relationships because of him. The day I broke up with Chris I swore to myself that would be the last conversation I would ever have with him. I knew that if I ever spoke or even saw him again I wouldn’t be able to stop myself for falling head over heels for him again. I thought the minute I saw him all the love I had felt for him would come flooding back. But something else happened that day. As Chris, the only guy I had 100 percent been in love with stood in front of me, all I felt for him was anger. Instead of memories of love filling my mind all I remembered was how he had hurt me. How I spend nights awake waiting for a call that never came. How I went months without seeing his face only to be told he wouldn’t be able to come home yet again because of work. How the last memory I had of him was finding out he had been cheating on me for months while a started to believe it was my fault our relationship was falling apart. That night we broke up I never truly let him understand how much he hurt me. Believe me he knew he had messed up and ruined something great but he never knew just how much he had completely destroyed me. I wasn’t going to let another opportunity to tell him how he changed my life pass me by.
The burden of being a superhero is sometimes overwhelming. You’re consistently being pulled in a million directions and for someone like Plastic Man its not just literal. The worries of the world out weigh your own. You live a life weighed down by something out of your control. The end of my relationship with Chris had that same feeling. It felt like everything I did or felt was because of what had happened. My life was predestined to always be void of love I was living in a shadow of a past relationship, unable to step into the light. I thought I would live with this burden of lost love for the rest of my life. Always damning any future relationship. I never thought all it would take was one conversation with the person i felt was the cause of it all. There’s another word for what Chris gave me that day, closure. He finally allowed me to truly let go and most importantly move on. I was free to love. My heart could finally open it doors again not living in fear of being broken again. I only wish my timing was better. Perhaps if i had gotten this closure earlier Henry would be the one my heart would be opening for.
Nothing ever lasts. Its a phrase that my life is all too familiar with. It didn’t last with Chris. Things with Henry barely started, let alone had the chance to last. There was one thing left in my life that I knew had run its course and he was waiting for me at my door. Jason was never going to be anything more to me then some fun. It may sound harsh but when I envisioned my future, he was not there. Maybe if things were different, if we were different people. I often think what it would have been like if Jason was my Chris. If instead of running into the Mighty Thor in that little cafe in Windenburg all that time ago it was Aquaman who stole my heart. Would I have been so jaded towards love if Jason had broken my heart? You almost expected someone who looked like him to not stay around for the long haul. You go into a relationship with him already expecting it’s end. Does that make it hurt less? Its like when you go get a flu shot. You know it’s going hurt but you know the pain will go away and you’ll be better for it in the end. My time with Jason was exciting and fun but it was time to get stuck with that needle and move on. Its not like he expected anything different to come from this.
At the beginning of this week my forecast for love looked bright and sunny, now it’s more like cloudy with non stop thunderstorms. No one said love was easy. In fact some would say the challenge is what makes it so worthwhile. But I have to believe it’s not meant to be this hard. There has to be something better then this out there for me.
If you’d like to download any of the characters or builds you see in this story I will post the links to them below, along with a great big thank you to the creators!
Erin created by swcheppes
Chris Hemsworth created by JRockCa (I’ve given him a bit of a makeover compared to the downloaded version)
Jason Momoa created by viltor87 (I’ve given him a bit of a makeover compared to the downloaded version)
Chris Evans created by yddam98