Do you want to know a secret? Do you promise not to tell? I believe there are other versions of me out there. I don’t mean a doppelganger or someone who looks eerily like you. I mean a whole other universe that has a copy of you, same dna an all. It’s the idea of there being parallel universes or what it’s called in comics as the multiverse. It’s an idea that there are thousands if not millions of other universes out there, all of which has a version of you in it. In one universe you may be an evil genius hell bent on ruling the world. In another universe you could be a top notch brain surgeon on the verge of curing every disease known to man. Or perhaps the most shocking and unbelievable you could be a red head on another universe. The possibilities are endless. That’s what makes the idea incredibly exciting and terrifying at the same time. You could be living your best life but at these same time not living it at all. Ever since learning Chris Evans was my neighbor I’ve been thinking of parallel universes a lot. How many of these different me’s are interested in the same super hero type? Or did any of the me’s end up with Chris or Henry or Jason or maybe a next door neighbor they just learned about? And the question I’m most afraid to say out loud, if they did wind up with someone else are they happier?
I was in a really good place in my life at that time. I was in a committed relationship with a man I loved. I had no ex boyfriends declaring their unrequited love for me. I was in a good place with all my friends. My life was short of perfection. I had nothing to worry about, nothing to over analyse, no feeling that I was going to lose everything with a snap of my fingers. So of course being me that meant I wasn’t happy. Wait that’s not the right word, I was happy, I was more bored. Why did I thrive on having drama in my life? Why did I feel at ease when it felt like my world was spinning out of control? What kind of person secretly hopes for the other foot to drop? I needed a bit of excitement in my life. I had a best friend getting married, which meant a bachelorette party needed to be planned. It was my perfect solution to add a little spice to my life without getting me into too much trouble. Nothing ever bad happens during a bachelorette weekend…said no one ever!
How necessary are men really? Sure they are fun to look at and even more fun to play with but how worse off would we be with out them around? That weekend away with my girls had me thinking that maybe the Amazonian’s had it right all along. Here were strong, beautiful, independent woman living together in harmony on the island of Themyscira. Not afraid to be there true selves. Not having to hide their strengths or how smart they were or not wondering if they were only being judged based on their looks. They had no men forcing these ideas into their heads. They were just fine without any men in their lives. But then again is it fair to put all the blame on men. There’s no reason for us to hide our strength, our beauty, our intelligence. A good man would never want you to. A good man would celebrate all these things you are. A weekend away wasn’t going to change the fact that I would be going home to one of those men. So to answer my own question of course men are necessary but if you’ve got a really good one there’s no need for anymore. Then again not everyone may agree that you only need just one.
Have you ever had a really good night where nothing in particular happened. A night where you don’t remember all the details but remember everything being great. You can’t recall the conversations had but you’re face hurts so much from smiling and laughing. That was the first night of my girls weekend. We didn’t do anything crazy. We all got dressed up, for no one in particular, and went out to dinner at the restaurant at our resort. I don’t remember what I ate but I do believe it was delicious. If you asked me to tell you how many glasses of wine I had I wouldn’t be able to tell you (but it was definitely more then two). Nothing beats a good night out with your girls. Not all the ice cream or chocolate in the world. Or a closet full of expensive shoes. Not even running into a past love when you’ve had a few too many drinks and look like a million bucks. That’s what I thought until that same old flame who looked even better then a million bucks was standing only a few feet away from me.
Henry…to this day I still swoon a little every time I say his name. You hope when you run into your ex that he will look a little worn from wear. You want him to look like he hasn’t changed his clothes in days, have gained at least 20 pounds and have the look that he’s given up on the world. You want to believe losing you has completely wrecked their life beyond repair. I didn’t think it was possible but Henry looked even better then he had when we had broke up. His clothes hugged him in all the right places only accentuating all of my favorite parts of him. He may have gained a little weight but it was all in muscle and it all made him look even more like Superman. He had a smile on his face that suggested he hadn’t shed a tear since the last time we saw each other. Some could say our break up had done him wonders. I’d be lying if I said I never thought about what it would be like if I ever saw him again. I had hoped there would be no anger. We hadn’t ended on bad terms so why would we pick up there. I wondered would any old feelings still linger. I assumed yes since we broke up more because of bad timing and less because we didn’t love each other. In that moment in front of the door to my room all my questions were answered. There was no anger, with Henry there never was. As for lingering feelings I did everything I could to pretend there was none. But we all know I’m a horrible liar.
There was never a lack of love in mine and Henry’s relationship. Even when we broke up we still loved each other as much as we ever did. A wandering eye had never been our problem either. After I had chosen Henry I never so much as thought of another man. Why would I, I was dating the perfect man. The reason Henry and I didn’t work was timing. It was never the right time for us to be together. When I first met Henry my heart was torn in many pieces. Had I met him before Jason who knows what would have happened. After my heart finally realized what it wanted, Henry’s career started to soar. Perhaps had he been a crappier actor and not landed so many big roles we would have had a chance. Whether it was ex boyfriends and one night stands or crazy work schedules it was never the right time for us. The funny thing about time is even a broken clock is right twice a day.
It’s tough to be a good friend. A good friend tells you the things you don’t want to hear but need to. Remember that time you thought you would look amazing with bangs, yet deep down you knew you couldn’t pull it off. You probably had a good friend telling you not to do it. Telling you your face shape just wasn’t made for bangs. Reminding you how when you last had bangs they were uncontrollable and you hated them. Swearing if you did it you would regret it. Did you listen? Of course not. Were they right? Absolutely. A good friend tells you when your being an idiot , even if you don’t agree. They tell you when what your doing is wrong, but you do it anyway. They remind you of all the people who could get hurt because of your actions, which makes you feel like the worst person in the world. You know everything they are saying is true but you also know you won’t listen to a word of it. And when you try to be a good friend to someone else the cycle just continues.
We are slaves to our emotions. Our emotions control our lives for better or worse. When we are kids we give our emotions free range. If someone steals our favorite Barbie doll we let anger take over. When our best friend moves away sadness takes the wheel. Happiness is up to bat after we score the tie breaking shot in double overtime of the championship game. As we get older we learn to control our emotions. We know the right time for anger or sadness or happiness to show up. Even when it seems impossible we usually win when we are fighting against our emotions. But we aren’t superheroes, some of us just play them on tv. Every once in a while an emotion slips through our grasp. That weekend happiness should have been in control. However, unexpectedly jealousy showed up to ruin the party.
There are many different types of love. You may love pizza but it’s not the same way you love your dog. Loving your favorite comic book character is perfectly normal but it be strange to love them the same way you love your grandma. You certainly don’t love your parents the same way you love your lover. If you do, stop! However exes are a bit trickier. You feel a same kind of love for all your partners. Yes some are more intense, some are short and some last forever. But overall you feel a similar love at some point. There was no doubt in my mind that I loved Joseph. Our love was strong and comforting. I never had to doubt it. I had loved Henry for sure once. Our love was sweet and tender and seemed to come naturally. What I doubted now was did I ever stop loving Henry? I thought I had moved on but did I simply just forget what being in love with him felt like. In that moment wrapped in his arms I had forgotten how safe he made me feel. When our lips were inches away from each other and I could feel his hot breath on my skin I had forgotten how that heat sent shivers throughout my body. In the moment his lips kissed mine I had forgotten how I never wanted any other lips on mine but his. How could I love someone hundreds of miles away yet forget how much I loved the person standing inches away from me?
We all have decisions we regret making. Some may be small like when you don’t buy the last shade of LadyLove lipstick only to find it sold out everywhere the next day. Some may impact your entire life like deciding to drive when you know you’ve had a few too many then get pulled over 10 minutes later. Regardless of how big or small we live a life with regret. My life was full of them. Most of mine were small and had to do with fashion. There were a few that seriously hurt my bank account like not grabbing that number 1 Amazing Spider-man for $3 at that sidewalk sale. The book is now selling in the thousands. And of course there were few that had to do with my love life. I regret never telling my high school crush how I felt only to find out years later that he had a crush on me too. Of course he was happily married with two kids when he told me this. I regret not opening my eyes wide enough to see what Chris was really up to sooner. It would have spared a lot of heartache and saved my body those extra pounds I gained trying to eat my feelings. But my biggest regret happened the night I reunited with Henry. We had shared a perfect moment on the beach and had every intention of continuing it in his room. Only it wasn’t perfect. Perfect would have been if the last few months hadn’t happened. Perfect would have been Henry not accepting that role that lead to us spending months apart. Perfect would have been meeting him for the first time a few days earlier. Maybe in another world, another time Henry and I would have gotten our perfect relationship but that night wasn’t it. I don’t regret not sleeping with Henry that night. Though it may not seem like it I truly loved Joseph and didn’t want to destroy what we had. What I regret is never being able to give Henry what he deserved, something perfect.
Have you ever had a secret that you knew could destroy lives? I now had two. I may have not slept with Henry but there was definitely a kiss and some uncovered feelings. I knew keeping this from Joseph was wrong but wouldn’t telling him be even worse. It wouldn’t change what I had done. It would only hurt him and that was the last thing I ever wanted to do. Not only did I have the task of keeping my own secret but I had to decide whether my friendship with Lilith was more important then her boyfriend knowing the truth about who she spent her weekend with. If Chris knew the truth that could change everything?
If you’d like to download any of the characters or builds you see in this story I will post the links to them below, along with a great big thank you to the creators!
Erin created by swcheppes
Girls Weekend Retreat created by swcheppes