The Bachelor: Disney Villains Edition Ep.6 – Last Man Standing

Welcome back to The Bachelor: Disney Villains Edition.  As always I’m your host Chris Harrison.  There are only a few episodes left before Jafar’s journey for love is complete.  Who will be the last one standing and will she be everything Jafar has ever dreamed of?  We will find out soon enough but before that we have a new episode.  Last week was full of surprises.  We saw the possible end of Iago and Cruella, Drizella actually sparked Jafar’s interest and one of the ladies we were sure would be part of the final two was sent downstairs with the other losers.  Luckily that doesn’t mean she’s out.  Tonight Maleficent will have her shot to rejoin the game along with Cruella, Claudette, and Anastasia.  Yes that’s right audience tonight will be the competition between the eliminated girls to return upstairs and continue their battle to win Jafar’s heart.  But before we get to that let’s take a look at how Maleficent reacted to her new living quarters.

“Is this the type of reception I deserve, that bimbette sleeping not even aware of my presence, of course not.  Is this what I expected from these girls certainly.”

“I don’t know what twisted Mal’s panties in a bunch but I’m sorry I didn’t throw a parade for her entrance.  I’ve been getting very little sleep since I’ve been down here….why oh I don’t know the beds lumpy I guess.  Anyway I’m sorry to the queen of darkness but I was tired.”

Maleficent continued checking out her new home for the next few hours.  Meanwhile Iago was still trying to figure out why exactly Cruella was so mad at him.  The other day she went completely off on him but left out what he had done.  He figured that maybe one of the other girls might have some clues about what was going on.  Little did he know he was talking to who Cruella thought was the problem in the first place.

“What did I do?  Can you guys help me out here!  If I knew exactly what I did I can at least try to fix it.”

While Iago was grilling Claudette for any information she had, Cruella was just a few rooms over.  If she had any idea who Iago was talking to in the other room she didn’t show it.  In fact she looked eerily happy.

“Of course I’m happy this is the last day I have to spend in this house.  Which also means I’ll never have to see that sorry excuse for a man….no I’m not talking about Jafar even though I guess the description works for him too.”

I guess that means Cruella won’t be fighting too hard to get back into the game during the competition.

Speaking of Jafar, him and the remaining girls were enjoying a nice meal on a beautiful day.  Very rarely did all the girls get along long enough for this to happen.  It seemed like they all were forgetting that in just a few days only one of them would be left while the other two would be losers.

“Am I surprised at the remaining 3 girls yes and no.  I mean I kind of always saw Ursula making it to the end. Honestly I didn’t see either Lady Tremaine or Drizella making it past the first two weeks.  I guess who can blame them for fighting so hard to get to the end.  They do win me afterall.”

“I thought there would be nothing but bickering and fighting when it got down to only 3 of us left.  But it’s actually been quite lovely.  I’m even enjoying my mother’s company.  I’m sure she will ruin that any minute.”

After lunch was over the group decided to have some fun in the pool.  Everyone was splishing and splashing around.  Jafar was giving each girl equal attention.  That quickly changed however.  The few minutes of togetherness were over and it was becoming all about Ursula.  To be fair the water was her second home and in the past Jafar and she had had a lot of fun in the water.  Drizella and Lady Tremaine didn’t see any need to stick around to watch.

“The water was perfect and once Drizella and Lady Tremaine got out so was the company.”

“If Jafar would rather swim around with that dead fish over spending some extra time with me then it’s his loss.  Plus I was glad to get out of the water.  I have enough wrinkles, staying in longer wouldn’t help my case there.”

Back downstairs the girls didn’t know yet that the competition would be starting soon.  They went about their day as usual.  We caught Anastasia and Cruella playing a game of chess.  Anastasia wasn’t so much playing as she was prodding Cruella for details on her relationship status with Iago.

“Didn’t Cruella know I could care less about that stupid game.  I thought it was pretty obvious that me sitting at the chess table meant I wanted gossip.  And people say I’m the stupid one.”

“The only people I wanted to discuss Iago about were friends.  Sadly Anastasia does not fall into that category.  I’d say she’s more of an annoying stranger.”

Realizing she wasn’t getting anything out of Cruella, Anastasia decided to forfeit the game and retire to her bedroom.  It being the middle of the day we knew she wasn’t going to bed so there was really only one other reason she was looking to be alone….talking to Gustav.

“I don’t know how many times I have to tell you nothing is happening between Gustav and me….he’s married for goodness sake.  Is it really so hard to believe that a man and a woman could be just friends.”

No it’s not hard to believe that at all.  It is hard to believe that you could be just friends with any guy.

Anastasia was busy chatting up her friend while upstairs her sister was also having a conversion with a guy she surely didn’t want to be just friends with.  Jafar still couldn’t get past not getting farther with Drizella and made a point to bring it up when they were alone.  He was starting to wonder if any man had hit a homerun with her.  Drizella made sure to set him straight.

“I really wondered if Drizella was a virgin.  She doesn’t seem to be as experienced as some of the girls here.  Nothing would be worse then getting this fair only to pick the girl who has no idea what she’s doing in bed.  I’ve done the whole virgin thing, it’s not something I have much interest at this stage of my life.”

“I may not have been with many men in my life but I am no virgin.  I made sure Jafar knew that and reminded him that it’s the ones that seem inexperienced who are actually the freaks in bed.”

Jafar seemed satisfied with Drizella’s answer, though I’m sure he would have liked an example of what she was talking about more gratifying.

The day moved on and it was finally time to let the eliminated girls know that it was competition day for them.  We freed the girls from the basement and had them gather in the living room.  Jafar joined them.  He would be reminding them of the rules and letting them know what the competition would be.  He hadn’t seen some of these girls for weeks, he’d forgotten what he’d been missing.

“I had completely forgotten how devilishly attractive Cruella was and how sexy Claudette’s body was.  As for Anastasia she was worth forgetting.”

After Jafar was done reminiscing in his mind it was time for the competition.  He was in the middle of congratulating the girls on surviving the basement without him when Cruella stood up.  She said she had something to say before this went any farther.

“Jafar was going on and on about how awful it most have been not being able to see his smug face.  I just couldn’t listen to it any longer.  I had to stop him before we all died of old age.”

Cruella mockingly told Jafar how these last few weeks had been torture.  Luckily she said they were over.  Jafar figured she meant because now she finally has the chance to renter the game.  So he was pretty taken back when she told him that she wouldn’t be competing in today’s competition.

“What does she mean she’s not competing!!??  What reason could she possibly have to not want another chance with me?”

You guessed it that reason had to do with Iago.  An hour before we called the girls upstairs Iago confronted Cruella.  If she competed and won he would lose her forever.  He knew he couldn’t let that happen without really talking to her.  At first there was a lot of screaming and tears.

“Iago kept telling me he didn’t understand why I was so upset!  Are you kidding me!?!  How else am I supposed to feel when I find the man I love in the arms of another woman.”

“When Cruella told me she saw me with Claudette I didn’t know what to say.  When she started to break down and cry it broke my heart.  I knew I needed to tell her what really happened between Claudette.  This isn’t how I planned it at all.”

Iago knew Cruella deserved the truth.  He suggested they go somewhere a little more private so he could tell her everything.  At this point he didn’t know how this was going to end.  Of course he knew how he wanted it to.

“I told Cruella nothing was going on between Claudette and me.  She was just so excited about what I had just told her that she threw her arms around me.  That must have been when Cruella walked in and saw us together.”

And what exactly was Claudette so excited about…well THIS!

“I knew from the moment I met Cruella she was it for me.  I know we’re going to have our troubles, mainly Jafar but as long as she’s by my side nothing else matters.  I had wanted to ask her the other day but then she kind of exploded on me and ended things.  It felt like an eternity waiting for her answer.”

I know everyone’s wonder what her answer was.

“YES….I said yes!  I always knew Iago wasn’t interest in that idiot.  What do I think of the ring?  It’s nice for starters.  It certainly has room for improvements…about 4 more carets worth.”

Everyone was shocked when Cruella shouted out I’m engaged.  No one more then Jafar.  He stood there in silence for a few minutes, obviously trying to comprehend what just happened.  When he finally did speak up he was furious.

“You’ve got to be kidding me..this a joke right?  A terrible very not funny joke.  How could anyone choose Iago when they have a shot at me.  They will both regret this.”

Cruella could care less about Jafars threats.  She called Iago in and told him they were leaving.  The minute Jafar saw Iago he wanted to lunge at him and destroy him.  Iago knew the power Jafar had but he also knew how crazy his future wife was.  For the first time since him and Cruella had gotten together Iago was no longer afraid of Jafar or what he may do.

“I’ve seen Jafar torture men for lesser crimes.  The things he’s done would give you nightmares.  But I think anything Cruella would do to him if he tried to hurt us would be ten times worse. God I love that woman.”

“I’m not scared of Jafar.  His threats are just words.  If he dares to try to lay a hand on my man I will sick my dogs on him.  My babies don’t like people who hurt their mama.”

“I decided to let them go.  They weren’t worth my energy.  I would never lower my standards to be with a woman like Cruella.  In terms of dogs, as she liked to talk about, she was the runt of the liter and if she’d been laying with Iago definitely crawling with fleas.”

Cruella and Iago left.  Even though he said he didn’t care you could tell he was rattled.  He tried his best to compose himself and move on.  He still had three girls who wanted to fight for another chance with him.  Or at least he thought he did.

“When Anastasia stood up all I could think was, Anastasia you had better sit that skinny little ass down right now.”

But Anastasia had no intention of sitting back down.  She too did not see a future with Jafar.  I’m pretty sure we all know who she cast as her knight in shining armor in her story.

“After seeing Cruella leave I realized I didn’t want to be here either.  I knew I had to follow my heart and that wasn’t going to lead me to Jafar.  My heart wanted Gustav.”

Turns out talking on the phone wasn’t the only thing Anastasia and Gustav had been doing.  Somehow Anastasia was able to get out of the basement and arranged a secret rendezvous with Gustav.

“I’m a lite sleeper.  A few nights after I had been eliminated I heard these noises coming from the living room late at night.  I went to check it out and noticed Iago leaving the dungeon.  Why the hell was he allowed to leave.  After that I kept waiting for him to leave again so I could figure out the trick to unlocking the door.”

Anastasia finally figured out how to unlock the door, I know we’re as surprised as you.  She secretly told Gustav to meet her one night when she knew the house would be asleep.  Covered by darkness the two spoke about their feelings for each other and what they would do when Anastasia left this house.

“Yes Gustav is married.  But he doesn’t love her he loves me.  He told me he would leave his wife so we could be together.  He did say it would take some time…you know them having kids and all made it even more tricky.  But he swore we’d be together.  That he only loved me.”

Hmmm a married man telling his mistress he was going to leave his wife for her.  I wonder how many times that actually happens.

Talking about their future wasn’t the only thing the two did during their time together.

“I thought coming into this house I was going to be getting so much action.  When Gustav suggested we test out the hot tub there was no way I was saying no.  At least I can leave having taken full advantage of what the house had to offer.”

Jafar was beyond mad at this point.  He may have let Cruella walk away but there was no way Anastasia would be set free so easily.  Granted he couldn’t care less about her romantically, at this point it was more the principal of it all.

“Is there some reason I’m only finding out about all this now.  Aren’t you guys supposed to be filming the girls 24 hours a day.  How the hell did this slip by you?!?!  I’m pretty sure someone should be fired for this huge error if not worse.”

We do film the girls and Jafar all hours of the day.  However a few weeks ago someone had snuck into the editing room and deleted footage from this season.  Luckily we had back up but it was only now that we were  able to sift through and see what’s been really going on downstairs.  We are still looking into who the culprit is but it appears that maybe it was Anastasia.

There was a time when Anastasia would have been devastated with the way Jafar was speaking to her.  That she had blown her chance at fame and fortune and love of course.  But now that she had Gustav she just laughed in Jafar’s face when he threw his little hissy fit.

“How is it possible that any men would be interested in that sorry excuse for a woman.  Let her go.  She is utterly worthless to me.”

“I’m sad that I won’t be able to win the prize money but Gustav is my prize.  Plus he’s a doctor and doctor’s are rich!”

Once again there is no prize money at the end of this, still not sure where she got that idea.  As for Gustav’s doctorate it was obtained within 5 hours of Sims Online School for Doctors and Other Important People. We’re pretty sure most medical facilities don’t accept “doctors” with those credentials.

Anastasia left and only Maleficent and Claudette were remaining.  Jafar was starting to feel less confident that this competition was going to happen.  He looked both girls directly in the face and asked if either of them were planning on leaving.

“This was certainly not how I expected this day to go.  I was looking forward to see these girls desperately fighting for me.  I was not ready for any other bombshells.”

Unfortunately the surprises were not over.  Jafar was about to continue going over the rules of the challenge when a voice came on over the loud speaker asking Jafar to make his way to the interview room.  The producers needed to speak to him about something.  Maleficant and Claudette had no idea what was about to happen but both knew that it couldn’t be good news they were giving Jafar.

“How crazy is this day?  I mean I kind of figured Cruella would throw the comp but to actually just quit and then Anastasia leaving too was insane!  Maybe the producers are telling Jafar both Mal and I can reenter the game.”

“Honestly the most surprising thing to happen these last few minutes was learning Anastasia found a boyfriend!  She’s quite possibly the most annoying person I’ve ever met.  Her finding someone who’s willing to overlook that is really a miracle.”

Jafar finally returned.  Unfortunately we did not tell him both girls could reenter the game.  In fact we needed to discuss some of the deleted footage we had recovered.  Turns out Anastasia was not the one who deleted those tapes.  It was Jafar.

“I deny everything!  They can’t prove I had anything to do with those tapes being deleted.”

We will let you decide how innocent Jafar is after you see what’s on those tapes.  Apparently Iago and Anastasia weren’t the only ones going in and out of the basement.  Jafar himself was visiting the girls downstairs.  Actually he was only visiting one girl, Claudette.  And he wasn’t just stopping by for a little chat.

“I don’t remember there being any rule that said I couldn’t go down to the dungeon whenever I liked.  I mean this show is all about me so should I be allowed to do whatever I want?”

This is in fact a rule, actually it’s really our only rule.  Jafar and each of the contestants all signed a contract that stated this very rule and that if it were broken would have consequences.  Whether Jafar read this contract closely is his business but he did sign it.  Our hands were tied, we informed Jafar that he would have to eliminate Claudette for good.  She would no longer be allowed to reenter this game in any way.

“I told Jafar what we were doing wasn’t right, that it wasn’t fair to the other girls.  But he insisted we weren’t breaking any rules.  He said that this happened all the time on Gaston’s season.  I was falling in love with Jafar.  I believed what he was telling me.”

We assure you this was the first time something like this has ever happened.  Gaston was many things but he was not a rule breaker.  Elsa?  No she wasn’t breaking the rules she was more of a loop hole.  Ariel?  He saved her because their connection was so strong it really wasn’t breaking any rules….ok fine Gaston broke some rules but we swear he never made secret trips to the basement.

A heartbroken Claudette left without looking back at the man she said she was falling in love with.  As for Jafar 3 girls had now walked out on him.  Surely he felt something.

“All three of the women who have left are ones I could never see myself with anyway.  Yes Claudette was a good lay but that’s really all she had going for her.  I’d say this afternoon was turning out exactly how I would have liked.”

The reason Jafar was not too devastated with today’s outcome was because the one girl he really had any connection with was still sitting on the couch.  Also it’s Jafar he can’t accept anything is really his fault, therefore all the girls leaving meant there was something wrong with them not him.

“Maleficent was the only girl that I never wanted to send downstairs.  She’s may little fire dragon.  It’s time for her to be reunited with her master.”

Jafar gave Maleficent the good news that she would be rejoining the game.  He promised to save her the next time she was in trouble.  He was going to make sure she’d be getting that final rose from him.  For the first time today things were looking up for Jafar.  That quickly changed when Maleficent informed him that she had no intention of staying.

“This man made a fool of me once it was no going to happen again. I’m no princess that needs saving and certainly not by the likes of him.  In fact I was going to announce I wasn’t competing in this competition after Jafar was done with his sad little speech.  Cruella just beat me to it.”

And with that our last girl got up and left, leaving only Jafar.

“I’m going to my room and do not wish to be disturbed for any reason at all for the reminder of the day.  There will be dire consequences if my wishes are ignored.  You do not want to test me.”

Since there won’t be any competition today and our bachelor has locked himself in his room we’re going to wrap up this episode a little early.  Hopefully Jafar will be able to face the world again next time.  But today was pretty humiliating so we’ll have to wait and see.  Once again I’m Chris Harrison and thanks for joining us for this shocking installment of The Bachelor: Disney Villains Edition.

6 thoughts on “The Bachelor: Disney Villains Edition Ep.6 – Last Man Standing

  1. Hahahahahahahahahahahaha! That is by far the most brilliant twist I have EVER read! Jafar totally had it coming to him and I pity Claudette, I really liked her.

    “It’s time for her to be reunited with her master.” I thought at this, ‘sexist,’ you do not own her, and then Mal rejected her and I was like, “I knew with that attitude, Jafar wouldn’t get far.”

    Liked by 1 person

  2. WOW crazy update .. congrats Iago and Cruella .. a cute couple that deserve each other .. and Anastasia with Gustav .. adorable! And good thing Maleficent .. you might have gotten fleas from that dog LOL

    Like

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