The Bachelor: Disney Villains Edition Ep.5 – Now That’s A Masterpiece

We are back!   We apologize for the delay.  The network and cable company were not agreeing on terms and that caused a blackout, which meant our show went dark for awhile.  Don’t worry we paused the competition so you wouldn’t miss a thing!  Before we rejoin the houseguests we want to thank all our great fans for understanding.  You guys are truly the best!

When we last left the houseguests Lady Tremaine had won the solo date, finally sparking Jafar’s interest, Mal had a little sleepover with Jafar and Anastasia was sent downstairs.  We are now only few weeks away from the finale. Jafar’s nonchalent attitude of not caring who goes home each week will soon be tested when he will have to follow his heart and pick the woman he hopes to spend forever with.  That choice won’t be an easy one, no matter what he says, since Jafar has a close relationship with most of the girls left in the competition.  We say most because as you all know Jafar has yet to click with Drizella.  Based on last weeks group date that doesn’t look like it will change anytime soon.  Will Drizella finally be able to stand out and catch Jafar’s eye?  There is one last solo date left to win, this week would be her last chance.  But before we can get to that competition let’s check in and see how Anastasia is reacting to her new digs and her new roommates.

“We’ve been all fighting for Jafar upstairs and there was another  guy down here.  What the hell!  Well my days of fighting for a guy are over!”

It was good thing that Anastasia didn’t want to go after Iago because as we all know Cruella had beat her to it.  And Cruella most likely would beat her in other ways if she tried to make a move on her man.  Claudette made sure to fill Anastasia in about Iago and Cruella, just in case she changed her mind.

“Ewww Iago is so not my type.  I like my men to be attractive.  Iago kind of looks like a bird and I hate birds!”

“Skinny legs better not even think about going after Iago.  He’s mine!    And I plan on marking my territory very soon.”

We believe by marking her territory she means sleeping with Iago and not peeing on him.  But then again this is Cruella.  Either why we should have a maid on speed dial just in case.

Upstairs the house guests were enjoying a little sunshine and frank and beans in the backyard.  Everyone was enjoying a little break from the game.  Everyone that is except Drizella.

“I really thought Jafar and I were finally connecting after last weeks group date.  But this morning I over heard mother talking to Ursula about how Jafar wishes I had been the one that went home.  I’m not sure if that were true but it’s clear that whatever relationship I have with Jafar it’s nothing compared to what he has with the other girls.”

Speaking of those other girls it didn’t seem like Ursula’s relationship was as strong as Drizella thought.  Ursula looked like she couldn’t be bothered while Jafar was desperately trying to flirt with her.  Was the novelty of such a dirty boy starting to wear off?

“I don’t know what was up with Ursula this morning.  The last time I told her she was a dirty girl that I wanted to make even more filthy, her hand was down my pants like that.  Today I could barely get her to look up.”

“::::sigh::::Yes I still want Jafar but sometimes I feel like he only wants me for the naughty things we do to each other.  I don’t think we’ve had a real deep conversation this whole game.  Don’t get me wrong I love the dirty nasty stuff, but sometimes a girl just wants to be asked about her day.”

While Jafar continued to try and get Ursula down his pants, inside Maleficent and Lady Tremaine were also trying to have a conversation.  Well that’s not completely true, they were too busy staring each other down.  Trying to come up with a scheme to knock out each other from this competition.

“There I was standing in the sitting room with Maleficent, no one else in sight, with a lighter in my hand.  I’m not going to lie setting her on fire definitely crossed my mind.”

Luckily Lady Tremaine only thought about it and didn’t actually set Maleficent on fire.  After the embarrassment of the fire from the second week, Lady Tramine didn’t want everyone to be reminded of that.  We’re thinking that not even fire could destroy….we mean hurt Maleficent.

“Did I ever tell you how much I love fire!  Most people fear it but I actually feel safest near an open flame.  I have this strange feeling that I wouldn’t even get burned if I touched it, though I’ve never tested that theory.”

See what we mean!

Back downstairs Anastasia was settling in to her new home for the week.  What really helped was talking to her “friend” Gustav.  Apparently they were on speaking terms.  Once again Anastasia swore up and down that there was nothing romantic going on between them.  That they were once again just friends.

“Don’t be silly, I was just joking when I said I had broke up with Gustav.  Of course I didn’t break up with him because we were never going out.  I would never do something like that.  I don’t want to jeopardize the prize money.”

Did she say prize money?  She does know that there is no prize money.  Jafar is the “prize” at the end of this.

Clearly Cruella didn’t think there was any prize money to win because she was about to blow any chance she had of winning this competition.  She was about to mark her territory.

“I couldn’t wait any longer.  I already know that I like Iago but I needed to make sure I liked all his parts….let’s just say I can say with confidence I LIKE everything about that man.”

“I was shocked when Cruella wanted to take our relationship to the next level.  I’ve never moved this quickly with a woman.  It usually takes them a lot longer to like me enough to want to go there.  I’m so happy not to have to wait so long this time.”

The deed was done and Iago was on the high of his life.  That high was soon to come plummeting back to earth because he got a text from Jafar that he needed to meet him asap.  Apparently Jafar heard rumors that one of the girls was seeing another guy.  He was enraged and figured it had to be one of the girls downstairs.  Surely he would have noticed any of the remaining girls making nice with another guy.  If anyone could help him get to the bottom of this it would be the guy he had asked to spy on them.

“If I find out any of these girls have something on the side I will make sure that it ends for good, if you know what I mean.  And I will make sure Iago suffers for letting this slip past him.”

“He can’t know about me and Cruella, he just can’t right.  I mean you guys didn’t show him any of the tapes???  You swore to me you wouldn’t.”

And like we promised we hadn’t showed Jafar the tapes.  In fact the girl Jafar thought was skipping out on him was Anastasia.  Ever since the group date where he had caught that insignificant boy sniffing around he had thought something was going on.  He unleashed a flood of nasty words to Iago about the situation.  However Iago assured him that none of the girls were involved or even thinking of any other men, including himself.

“I’ve never been more terrified in my life.  I must have let out the hugest sigh o relief when Jafar said he had thought it was Anastasia.  If I want to to live to see the end of this competition I have to end things with Cruella.  But how do you just stop loving someone?”

“Iago is my most trusted lackey.  I believe him if he says all of the girls are still completely devoted to me.  Ha ha to think he thought I would think any of my girls would look twice at him.”

Iago returned back downstairs.  He had every intention of waking Cruella up and ending things for good.  But that thought quickly changed when he saw her lying there in his bed.  He couldn’t help but be reminded of what the two of them had shared in this room only hours before.  Iago knew things wouldn’t end well for him once Jafar found out what he’s done but in his eyes Cruella was worth it.

“As I watched Cruella sleeping all I could think about was how much I was in love with this girl.  I’d risk my life for her and frankly that’s exactly what I’m doing.”

The next morning Cruella noticed that Iago seemed more attentive towards her.  Each hug seemed to last longer and his kisses more intense.  It was like he was afraid each kiss would be their last.

“Last night with Iago was mind blowing at least is was for me.  He was acting so strange this morning.  I know what your thinking that I’m crazy, that how can I think him showing me more attention is strange.  But it felt off, like he was only doing it to soften the blow of some horrible news.  Do you think he’s going to call things off?  Because I will kill him!”

It’s seems like no matter what Iago’s fate is sealed.  If he stays with Cruella, Jafar will surely kill him, but if he doesn’t do as Jafar wishes and breaks things off with Cruella she’ll sick her dogs on him.  I guess we’ll have to wait to see who’s bite is worse then their bark.

Upstairs the day was getting started.  Jafar was taking advantage of some down time.  Meanwhile Maleficent enjoyed his playing while practicing her chess skills.  Even though no words were spoken the two enjoyed each others company.  Maleficent couldn’t help but wonder if this is what life with Jafar would be like.

“I never would have thought one of my favorite moments in this house would be a silent moment with Jafar.  But in that moment I really felt like we were a real couple.  I could see this being us on the weekends, you know after a not so quiet night in the bedroom of course.”

“Sometimes silence can be so seductive.  The whole time I was tickling those ivories I was imagining me tickling parts of Mal…and I don’t mean the guici guici goo parts.”

While Jafar and Maleficent continued to enjoy the silence, the bathroom were anything but.  Last Tremaine was letting her dear daughter have it.  Apparently Lady Tremaine was apalled with how poorly Drizella was playing the game.  Granted she didn’t expect much from her but she at least figured Jafar would show the slightest bit of interest in her by now.

“So many people go on and on about how much their children have enriched their lives.  I’ve yet to have that feeling.”

“As if I wasn’t feeling bad enough that Jafar wasn’t recpricating my feelings my mother decided it was all my fault.  And she made sure to remind me over and over again.  Is there anyway I can request going downstairs?”

Sorry there’s only way to get a ticket down there and that’s losing at the end of this week.  Seeing Drizzelas track record that doesn’t seem like it may be too far fetched.

Speaking of downstairs we decided to eavesdrop on the eliminated girls.  We found Anastasia and Claudette playing a little chess.  To be fair playing was a strong word.  We all knew Claudette was having a hard time grasping the concept of the game but Anastasia was no Bobby Fischer either.  I warn any chess enthusiasts to maybe skip this part as it’s sure to hurt your brain just a little.

“I never realized how good of a chess player Anastasia is.  She never loses a piece.  Part of that could be because she’s a red head.  She told me about that rule how all redheads get to do over their moves of they aren’t happy with it.”

“How dare you accuse me of cheating.  I can’t help it if we played by different rules in my house.  This is just another classic attack on the gingers of the world.  You’re a gingist!”

Yeah that’s not a real thing.  Anyway back to the actual competition, speaking of which the final solo date comp was getting ready to start upstairs.  As you know each week the ladies compete for the chance at a one on one date with Jafar.  These alone time with him is crucial if the girls hope to win the big prize at the end…Jafar’s heart.  For this week we are doing a classic bachelor/bachelorette comp, the painting competition.  As you remember in season one the painting competition was actually the elimination comp and we brought it back last year as a solo date comp.  It’s just wouldn’t be a complete season without it.  The rules are the same the first girl to finish her masterpiece goes on to try and make a work of art with Jafar or in other words goes on an amazing date with him.  The girls have oiled up their canvas’ which means we are ready to start this comp.

“I don’t know why I was even trying.  It’s not like it will matter if I win.  Jafar would probably just call off the date, saying it was a waste of his time.”

“I really wanted to win this final date.  I want to chance to sit down and have a real conversation with Jafar.  I really need to see if we have more then just a physical connection.”

Unfortunately that conversation would have to wait because Ursula did not win the last solo date.  But both Drizela and Maleficent did, they tied!

 “When I saw that I finished first I was giddy, it would be clear as day to these girls that I was the one to beat at the end.  But then I was told that dimwit Drizela finished at the same time as me.  My giddiness quickly turned to rage.  And you do not want to see me angry.”

You are correct that’s the last thing we want to see.  But the rules are rules and Drizella did tie with Maleficent.  That meant we would have to have a sudden death round.  We were keeping our fingers crossed that it really wouldn’t result in anybodies death.  The rules for this second round would be the same as the first.  The girl who completed their painting first would be the winner.  If it was a tie again we would keep going until someone won, even if it took all night.

“There was no way I was losing this.  Drizella may have gotten lucky the first round but surely it was time for her luck to run out.”

“Great I didn’t even want to win and now I’ve angered the scariest girl in the house.  Can the day get any worse.”

Not sure if Drizella would consider winning worse, but if so her day was about to be ruined.  In the sudden death round Drizella easily beat Maleficent and will finally be going on a date with Jafar.

“I know I said I didn’t want to win, but I was just saying that so I wouldn’t get me hopes up.  If you don’t look forward to something you can’t get hurt when it doesn’t happen.  But oh my lord I won!  Me…my mothers greatest disappointment won!  Maybe I still have a chance to turn things around with Jafar.  So much for not getting my hopes up.”

“It would be wise and in your best interest to not interview me right now.  I’m only looking out for your own safety.”

When Jafar learned that Drizella won he was less then thrilled.  He was even more disappointed that she beat out Mal in a tie breaker.  He knew a date with Mal would guarantee a good time.  He couldn’t say the same for Drizella.   Regardless his feelings him and Drizella set out on the final date.  They would be going to the trendiest, hippest night club Big Top.  Big Top was a pop up location that resembled exactly what it was named for….a big top you would find at the circus.  Big Top had everything you would find at any circus, cotton candy, acrobats and even a clown or too.  It was the type of place that it was impossible to not have a fun night.  Let’s see if Jafar can do the impossible.

“I tried to come off sexy and confident but I’m sure Jafar could tell how nervous I was.  A lot was riding on these few hours and I couldn’t get out of my own head to try and enjoy it.”

“I just don’t see anything ever happening between me and Drizella. Sure she’s an attractive girl but I need more then just a pretty face.  If I was looking for a one night stand type of girl sure she’d be great.  But Drizella just isn’t the forever type of girl.”

The date was turning into a disaster.  Drizella knew she needed to relax and just focus on having a good time.  What better way to do that then with a little alcohol and dancing.  Jafar was getting tired of waiting for Drizella to come back with the drinks and decided if you want something done right you do it yourself.  I don’t know if it was the way the lights glittered around her or if the music had some sort of subliminal message playing but the moment Jafar saw Drizella dancing there something changed in him.  His heart began to race and his pants were getting a bit tighter.  He had never wanted something more then he had wanted Drizella in that moment.

“It was almost like magic.  Like I was suddenly under her spell.  I couldn’t take my eyes off her.  I wanted her in ever way possible and I’m a man who always gets what he wants.”

The couple found a quiet little spot tucked in the back.  Jafar laid it on thick.  He was using every line in his playbook.  Drizella could hardly believe what was happening.

“Am I being pranked or something?  It has to be I mean that’s the only thing that makes sense.  Or maybe that I’m dreaming.  Those are the only possibilities.”

“I can’t explain what happened.  The truth is I don’t understand it myself.  All I know is I’m captivated by Drizella.  I’m done with all this flirting it’s time to turn the heat on.”

And that’s just what Jafar did.  He suggested the two find somewhere more private, somewhere they could get to know each other better.  Luckily it was just outside the tent.  They found a romantic spot near a lovely fountain that also happened to be surrounded by horses.  It seems horses turn on Drizella because they started to make out like a bunch of horny teenagers.

“It was the perfect first kiss and second and third and well you get the idea.  I don’t know what came over me and usually the type to take things slow.  But I guess technically we have been dating for a few weeks now.  I didn’t let him get to second base though, I am a lady after all.”

“I was rounding second and had every intention of going all the way home but Drizella put on the brakes.  I don’t like being denied, she’ll have to be thoroughly punished later.  Now if I can only remember where I left those handcuffs.”

Jafar and Drizella decided to come up for air.  We’re not sure if they were drunk on love or from those tequila shots they were doing earlier but they both got the courage to get up and do a little karaoke.  The only thing was Big Top’s karaoke night was Friday, today was Tuesday.  But that didn’t stop them.  They found some instruments that were not being used.  Jafar showed off his skills on the piano while Drizella took the mic.  You may want to mute your screen for this.  Drizella has many talents (well maybe not according to her mother) but singing was definitely not one of them.

“I did what!!??  Oh god please tell me you edited that out….yeah I didn’t think so either.”

“See I know that what ever these feelings I have for Drizella must be real because a voice like that would normally be a deal breaker.  Have you ever heard two cats fighting in the back of an alley, it sounded like that only so much worse.”

They finished there song and decided to call it a night. Ok maybe the manager asked them to leave.   Drizella’s singing was scaring off costumers.  When they arrived back home Jafar still hoped to give Drizella that punishment but instead she just gave him a kiss on the cheek and told him she had a lovely time.

“I’m fine with some harmless making out but sleeping with someone is a very big deal for me.  I told myself coming into this I wouldn’t woohoo with anyone.  That’s something private and should only be between me and the man I’m in love with.  It’s not something I plan on broadcasting to the world to see.

It seems some of the other girls had no problem sharing that much information with the viewers.

Most of the house was still up when Jafar and Drizella arrived home from their date.  Downstairs Cruella was enjoying a nice meal when Anastasia decided to share some observations she was having.  Cruella wasn’t the only one noticing Iago acting strange towards her.  Anastasia may not be an expert in love but she was an expert in men breaking up with her.  Unfortunately she was seeing a lot of signs men had used on her.  She wouldn’t go as far as saying Cruella was a friend but that didn’t mean she liked seeing a fellow woman being treated like that.

“I’m kind of the queen of break ups.  If I had a dollar for all the guys who broke up with me I’d be a pretty rich girl.  Iago was acting like most of the guys do when they were gearing up to break my heart.  Cruella is still in the honeymoon phase and can’t see it.  I only wanted to help.  Besides it’s so boring down here, I could use some good entertainment.”

“Seriously the girl who couldn’t even get Jafar up is giving me relationship advice.  I mean even one of those golden girls could get Jafar all hot and bothered.  Yeah I don’t think I’ll be paying any attention to Anastasias advice.”

Hey Blanche was pretty hot for her age, I’m just saying.

Speaking of old bags Lady Tremaine was determined to find out how Jafar’s date was.  She was still shocked that her daughter had actually beat out Maleficent.  She would never admit it but she was a little impressed.  That didn’t mean she wanted the date to have gone well.  Secretly she was hoping it was a complete disaster.

“Of course I don’t think Drizella’s date was better then my date with Jafar.  I’m sure poor Jafar was counting down the minutes until he was able to leave my pitiful daughter.”

“I was trying hard to avoid Lady Tremaine when I got home from my date with Drizella.  I really wasn’t in the mood to be prodded for details.  Dating a mother daughter combo isn’t as great as I thought it would be.”

Meanwhile the high of her date with Jafar was starting to wear off.  Drizella realized it was only a matter of time before her mother would grill here for every detail.  She knew no matter how hard she tried she wouldn’t be able to lie to her.  Talking to your mother about your love life is embarrassing enough, just imagine what’s it like when you are dating the same guy.  Drizella made the mistake of sharing her dilemma with Ursula.  Of course she didn’t waste a moment to relay every word to Lady Tremaine.

“Mother is going to kill me when she finds out Jafar is exactly interested in me.  Even though all she’s done is yell at me because he wasn’t interested.  I really can never win with her.”

“Nothing’s better then a little family drama.  Especially when it’s not happening to you.”

The houseguests finally called it a night and everyone was tucked in for a long nights sleep.  The next morning there was a bit of deja vu when Jafar decided to practice the piano a little more.  The only difference was his company, Maleficent was no where to be seen.  Instead Drizella was taking in the nice quiet moment with Jafar.

“Sitting there this morning I could imagine what life with Jafar would be.  Maybe we would spend our Sunday mornings like this, him playing a sweet melody while I sit by listening, waiting for him to join me in a game of chess.”

Hmmm this sounds a little like someone elses day dream doesn’t it?

While Jafar continued to play sweet music while Drizella day dreamed of their future, Maleficent was doing some dreaming of her own.  We could only guess what or who she was dreaming about but we weren’t the only ones.  Ursula and Maleficent had been roommates since the beginning of the competition.  During this time Ursula had discovered Maleficent likes to talk in her sleep. And most of the time she said how she really felt about the other contestants.

“I’ve been listening to Mal’s incessant chatter from day one.  She’s said how she feels about ever girl in this house except me.  It’s almost like she knows I’m sitting here waiting for her to reveal her true feelings.”

“Of course I know Ursula has been spying on me.  A big girl like that doesn’t exactly move around quietly.  If she wants to waste her time with this rather then trying to get in alone time with Jafar then by all means I will help as much as I can.”

The ladies upstairs weren’t the only ones starting their day.  Downstairs Cruella, Anastasia and Claduette were all up and about.

“With Iago acting so strange lately it was nice to have a morning to myself.”

“I’ve been watching a lot of tv since moving downstairs, what else is there to do.  I’ve come to realize I could do so much better then most of these hack actresses.  What happened to the quality of tv, where are the masterpieces like the Nanny?  That Fran Drescher is seriously the greatest actor of our generation.”

“I’m starting to think that weird clicking noise is in my head.  I only hear it when I’m doing yoga.  Maybe I’ve become some sort of a yoga guru and I’m so zen my brain clicks!”

Come on guys if you want watch hot girls workout I’m sure there are websites for that.  Not on our dime!

Ursula was done watching Maleficent sleep and decided to get some refreshments.  Since it was still early she decided not to make her drink a double.  While enjoying her beverage she couldn’t help but notice herself in the mirror.  She barely recognized herself.  She certainly looked a lot different then she had when she first walked into this house.

“I know they say you feel like a new person when your falling in love but I didn’t realize you start to look like a new person too.  I can’t remember the last time I was this tiny.  Thankfully I still have my curves though.”

Lady Tremaine had still not spoken to Drizella about her date the night before but after what Ursula said she knew it was not good news.  There was no way she was going to let her daughter beat her so she decided to enlist a little help to ensure she wouldn’t.  We’re as surprised as you by the new alliance.

“I know only yesterday I was considering setting Maleficent on fire but if I’m to ensure I don’t lose to my daughter I needed the evilest person here.  And just because we are working together on this doesn’t mean I don’t want to still set her on fire.”

“Of course I’ll do anything to sabotage someone else in the competition.  But what Lady Tremaine doesn’t know is Drizella isn’t the only one’s game I’m planning to destroy.”

After spending a whole morning (ok just breakfast) away from Iago, Cruella realized she was being silly.  Iago was a strange quirky guy, it was what attracted her to him, if he’s acting unusual it’s only because he’s unusual.  Besides she missed having that weirdos arms around her.

“I was beginning to worry that something was bothering Cruella.  Maybe she’s been thinking about what’s going to happen when Jafar finds out too. I just want her to know no matter what I’m here.  That she can talk to me about anything.”

“I hate to admit it but I was actually starting to think Anastasia was on to something but then I remember Anastasia’s an idiot.  And I’d be an idiot too if I took any love advice from her.

This week wasn’t only the last solo date it was also the last group date of the season.  With only a few ladies left it was also the smallest group date.  Each lady would be able to get a lot of alone time with Jafar if they played their cards right.  For the final group date Jafar and the girls are going to Crush, one of Oasis Springs hottest night club.  Crush is known for it’s sensational drinks, pumping music, and a number of places for a sim to hook up in.  Let’s see if any of our girls will be that lucky.

“It’s amazing that we are down to the final group date of the season.  I’ll admit I didn’t get as much action on the previous dates then I expected. I’m hoping to change that this time around.”

Jafar figured the best way to get what he wanted was to interact with each girl alone.  Having your other dates around kind of hurts your game if you know what we mean.

“I choose poolside for Lady Tremaine because one way or another I wanted to get her all wet.”

Eww Jafar, just eww!

Anyway things were going great with Lady Tremaine.  The attraction the two shared was still going strong.  They certainly brought out the worst in each oher which is exactly how they liked it.

“For a brief second before Jafar kissed me I was reminded that not even 24 hours ago he was most likely kissing my daughter.  But then after his lips were on mine, my daughter was the last think on my mind.”

“I didn’t get as far as I would have like with my dear Lady.  Oh well I guess some things are worth waiting for.  Well at least let’s hope so for her sake.  Thankfully if the old model isn’t working I have the younger one waiting.”

After a few kisses with Lady Tremaine, Jafar hoped to turn up the heat with Ursula.  Even though he had already tested out the goods didn’t mean he didn’t want another sample.

“Ursula does all sorts of things to me.  I love every minute of it.  We may have not closed the deal on the date but there’s always later tonight.”

“Once again Jafar and I barely spoke.  I’m starting to doubt we are capable of having a conversation.  Though I can’t complain too much with how we spend out time together.”

There was a lot more making out and heavy petting but still no all the way action Jafar was hoping.  The only one left to help him accomplish his goal was Maleficent.  And Jafar had the perfect spot to ensure he wouldn’t fail this time.

“Good things happened to me the last time I was in a hot tub during a date.”

“Oh Jafar do you really think I don’t know what your expecting bringing me here.  Well it wouldn’t be polite of me if I didn’t comply now would it.”

And that’s just what she did.  I looks like Jafar is finally getting what he wanted from this date.

“I knew my little dragon wouldn’t let me down.  In fact nothing was down in that hot tub, trust me.”

While Jafar and Maleficent were splashing around, Ursula and Lady Tremaine were enjoying the rest of the group date.  Neither of them had any idea what was happening only a room away from them.


Jafar and Maleficent finished up and then it was back home for everyone.  It was rather late when the group returned home so everyone went straight to bed.  That is almost everyone.

“Ursula isn’t the only one who can be super creepy and watch someone sleep.  Though I must admit after 5 minutes I was bored out of my mind and went to sleep myself.”

The next morning arrived and with it brought all sorts of drama.  Cruella woke up in Iago’s bed only to find him not beside her.  She figured he must have woken up early to surprise her with breakfast.  But when she didn’t find him in the kitchen she wondered where he could be.  She was less then thrilled when she found out where he was, in the arms of another woman.

“That two timing, rat fink bastard.  I’m going to kill him and I’m going to kill that little bimbette.  Oh my god this means Anastasia was right!”

It seems like the residents of downstairs are in for a long day.  Upstairs was a little less tense.  In fact for an elimination day some of the guests were acting all giddy.  Jafar and Maleficent were thinking about how much fun they had on last nights date.

“What’s that…yes I know it’s elimination day but honestly that doesn’t matter to me.  I’m not going anywhere.  There’s no way Jafar is sending me home after last night.”

Cruella was doing everything she could to take her mind off of what she had just seen.  But that was proven impossible when Iago walked into the kitchen.  To make matters worse he acted as if nothing had happened.  He was all love and smiles.  Granted he didn’t know that Cruella had seen him with his hands all over Claudette.  But she was about to let him know all about it.

“I wanted to ripe that smug smile of his face when he walked into the kitchen.  I can’t believe I ever loved him.  What a fool I’ve been.  Thank goodness that’s all over with and in a few days I’ll never have to see his stupid face ever again.”

“What just happened?  I came in here all ready to…well that’s not important anymore and then Cruella ended things. We’re over just like that.  She didn’t even give me a chance to explain what she saw.”

It looks like it’s the end for Cruella and Iago, but they aren’t the only ones ending things.  It’s time for this weeks elimination competition.  As you know each week the girls compete in an elimination competition where the loser will join the rest of the eliminated girls in the basement.  The girl who finds their elements last will leave the competition.  But this may not be the end for her.  We’ve been saying all season how one girl will battle her way back in the house.  But first we need to see who that girl will be.   Jafar and the ladies look ready so let’s began.

“I know I’ve said how I don’t care who goes home each week.  But if I’m being completely honest I care this week.  Surprisingly I have a connection with all the remaining ladies.  Seeing someone go will be hard.”

Wow Jafar you do have heart.  I can’t say we aren’t shocked.

The competition went on and each girl was working her hardest not to be last.

“I want to stay.  I need to see if Jafar and I are more then just a physical thing.  To do that I need more time in this house.”

So far the only person getting more time is Lady Tremaine.  She was the first one done and is safe this week.

“I’m so close to the end nothing is getting in my way.  Especially not my daughter.”

It was down to Ursula and Maleficent.  Both ladies started strong in this competition.  It’s safe to say these two have the strongest of the relationships with Jafar, at least they both have the most physical.  However that doesn’t mean much in this game, it all comes down to how you perform in the comps.  And sadly one of these girls did not perform today.  The next girl eliminated from the game is…


“So I didn’t win the comp.  It doesn’t matter.  There is no way Jafar is sending me down there with all the losers.  At least he better not if he knows what’s good for him.”

“I was not expecting that at all.  I feel like I do have the most in common and the strongest attraction to Maleficent.  But I’m respecting this process and if it’s her time to go it’s her time to go.  I will miss her but I’m not going to let her know that.  I have a reputation to uphold.”

Maleficent was certain that Jafar was going to save her.  We all knew that wasn’t the case.  All of us here truly feared for our safety when Jafar broke the news to her that this was really the end for them.

“I knew Mal was going to be upset.  She had it bad for me.  I told her she still could come back when they all compete to reenter the game.  I joked not to screw that comp up like she had this one.  She didn’t find it all that funny.”

“You want to hear a funny joke Jafar, just take a look in your pants.  What you have in there is certainly a joke.  Oh I’ll win my way back only so I can dump your ass and possibly punch you in your face.”

With that Maleficent is on her way downstairs, luckily everyone up here made it through that elimination without a scratch.

Only three girls remain but all that changes next week as we have the comp that will allow one of the eliminated girls to come back in this game.  I wonder if any of them really want to.  Join us next week to find out.  Until then have a great night!

5 thoughts on “The Bachelor: Disney Villains Edition Ep.5 – Now That’s A Masterpiece

  1. oh my GOSH the skinny legs comment from Cruella had me rolling .. Iago and Cruella what a pair! AND HELLO the look on Ursula’s face when Jafar was flirting .. oh my! The chess game was hilarious AND I did not expect Mal to be the one going …


  2. Ugh, I hope Ursula does get to talk to him – I mean, a relationship won’t last if it’s purely physical. Maleficent is gonna fight everyone, I can tell XD I feel so sad about Cruella and Iago though! Fingers crossed it sorts out.

    Liked by 1 person

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