Welcome back to The Bachelorette: Disney Sidekicks Edition. As always I’m your host Chris Harrison. Last week we introduced you to our bachelorette, our bachelors and the house they will all be living in. Now that we got the formalities out of the way it’s time for the real fun to begin. In case you’re new to the world of reality love shows let me get you acquainted with what’s going to be happening over the next few weeks. Our lucky bachelorette is on a journey to find the love of her life. We’ve chosen 7 eligible bachelors for her to choose from. Each week there will be a solo date with our bachelorette up for grabs. The boys will compete in a variety of competitions to win those dates. On top of the solo date competitions there will be a weekly challenge that will determine who stays in this competition. Each week one man will lose out on love until we are down to just one. At that point our bachelorette and the man of her dreams will live happily ever after. But as you all know things don’t always go to planned. Let the games begin.
Audrey wasted no time getting to know these guys. She had been away for too long without any male contact, now she had 7 guys who all wanted to fix that. Besides a lot of them were pretty cute.
“How do I think you did with the guys?? Are you kidding! Compared to my choices the last few months these guys are gods! I mean you could have given me a hunchback or a guy with a hook for a hand and it still would have been better then those guys on my expedition.”
It seemed like the guys were liking our choice of bachelorette too.
“Muy caliente! Yeah I have a little latin in me or at least I would like to if you know what I mean. What you think I remind you of Gaston, that’s the nicest thing anyone has every said to me.”
Oh remember during the tour we talked about how we worried that all our house guests would be only focused on the arcade game. Well it didn’t take long before everyone proved us right. If by next week everyone is still obsessed the game has got to go.
“These boys better not think I’m going to take it easy on them because I’m a girl. Girls are just as good as boys, in fact we’re usually better. Who said I was talking about the video game.”
Audrey had gotten pretty into the arcade game. In fact she was so engrossed she didn’t realize that she was all alone. Where could those guys have gotten to?
“Correct me if I’m wrong but shouldn’t these guys be chasing me, not the other way around. Come on boys let’s not be stupid.”
Audrey was right the boys weren’t chasing anything, they were dancing! It seems this cast likes to dance as much as the previous one. I’m guessing the ladies watching aren’t complaining one bit.
“I like to dance.”
“You like these moves, yeah I know they are pretty special. Go Kronk go Kronk, put those hands in the air like you just don’t care.”
Audrey finally found the guys and couldn’t help but join in on the party.
“I have to admit that Grumpy has a pretty cute butt. I’m looking forward to seeing more of it.”
“I go to the bathroom for two seconds and everyones gone. What gives! It’s like I’m back home my brother and sister are always ditching me.”
The dance party had broken up and everyone went around the house checking it out. This house was massive and there was a lot to look at. Audrey was still trying to navigate her way around it. She was looking for her room when she came across one of the boys rooms. At first she thought it may be hers but after noticing the three beds she thought otherwise. She heard some noises coming from the bathroom and went to check it out.
“So the front is just as cute as the back when it comes to Grumpy. Wait cute isn’t the right word here, I’m sure no man wants his little friend to be called cute. It was nice, very very nice!”
“I’ve been here a total of like 10 minutes and already someone walked in on me and my boys. It’s like I never left home. I needed some privacy, even if it was in a closet.”
It had been a rough start to the day, Audrey thought some lunch might get everything back on track. She fired up the grill and made her special grilled fruit supreme. She hadn’t met a man who couldn’t say no to her melons.
“It’s my mama’s recipe. She always told me ‘Audrey men are simple they like boobs and anything that reminds them of boobs, you want a man to notice you you got work those melons’. She meant the fruit and these bad boys.”
It looked like one of the guys was all into Audrey’s melons. Lefou certainly seemed to be working the hardest at getting to know her. It seemed like he learned some assertiveness from Gaston.
“I was talking to Gaston before I left, ok I was talking to a picture of him, but I know the real Gaston would have said the same thing. He said that I needed to go all out and make sure I’m noticed from day one. I’m going to be sticking to Audrey like white on rice this week.”
“You don’t think Audrey was talking to Lefou about my ‘little friend’? There was an awful lot of laughing coming from down there.”
Audrey knew she couldn’t spend all her time with Lefou. She needed to get to know all the guys. She decided to make the rounds.
“Audrey is the first girl I could ever see me liking, granted she’s also the only girl I’ve ever actually met in person. Maybe we can keep that between just us, that might not look so good on my part.”
Audrey chatted up most of the guys but their was one guy that had initially caught her eye that she wanted to get to know better. That guy was Kocoum. She hadn’t seen him since the little impromptu dance party. After a few minutes of looking she found him.
“Kocoum is HOT! Like call the fire department there’s a four alarm fire hot. I was a little bummed I didn’t get a chance to talk to him before he went to bed but I was definitely happy I walked in when I did. The less clothing in bed the better.”
Audrey is sounding a lot like someone we know.
The day was winding down and some of the guys were calling it a day. However we spotted Lefou and Arthur doing a little male bonding outside.
“Lefou’s a strange little man. He kept telling me about his best friend, I think his name was Guston, I don’t know. The way he was talking about him you’d almost think he was in love with him. But he’s here so I’m guessing he bats for my team.”
“No I do not love Gaston, I mean I do, but not like that. He’s like a brother to me. Why is it so strange to believe that two guys can can like each other so much and not be dating. Besides he’s engaged to that fish face Ariel.”
The boys finally turned in and joined the rest of the house in a deep sleep. They needed their rest the first solo date competition was tomorrow.
“Yes sleep is good.”
It was morning, very early morning. Kronk wanted to surprise the rest of the house with breakfast. He prides himself on his cooking skills. His best dish are these delightful spinach puffs, but this morning he was making hamburgers. Yeah we didn’t understand hamburgers for breakfast either.
“Nothing’s more important then a well balanced diet. That’s what I always say. Oh and there’s always time for dessert, I say that too.”
Kronk’s intend was to surprise everyone and surprise he did. Only the surprise wasn’t breakfast it was a fire. What is about this show and contestants starting grill fires in the first few days.
“Who cooks breakfast at five in the morning….and hamburgers!! Don’t get me started on that one.”
The fire was still going while most of the guys were running the other way. There’s a reason this season is called sidekicks and not heroes. Thankfully Kocoum stepped up to the challenge. He may be a man of a few words but he’s all action when it counts.
“I don’t like fire.”
“Didn’t I tell you Kocuom was hot! I hope I didn’t jinx this with that whole four alarm fire line yesterday.”
The fire was finally out. Kocoum was getting cleaned up after his heroic deeds. As for the other guys in the house they were far from heroic. Cowering and pathetic would be more appropriate words for them. If they were trying to impress Audrey they were all doing a poor job.
“I was so disappointed in the rest of these guys. I get that fires are scary and all but run away like that wasn’t cool. I mean some of them actually pushed me out of the way to get farther away from the fire. News flash boys not the way to win me over.”
We had mentioned in the last episode that Audrey does have a bit of a temper. She’s what you would call hot headed. So to think she was going to sit quietly and not let the guys know how she felt about what went on would be a mistake. Unfortunately for Arthur he was about to take the brunt of it.
“I was looking for some help from the guys. I wasn’t the only one who ran during the fire. I shouldn’t be the only one getting all the heat from Audrey.”
And that’s just what Arthur told her. And he was right they all deserved to get chewed out.
“I didn’t realize Arthur was such a tattle tale! Suck it up man and take one for the team. Why did I run away? I wasn’t running away, I was running to get some water. Luckily Kocoum had it handled.”
Kronk was taking the fire the hardest. After all he had started it. This wasn’t how he wanted to spend the first week on the quest for his true love. He hoped that Audrey would be able to see him as someone more then the coward who almost burned the whole house down. Needless to say the closet was getting as much action as the arcade game.
“Audrey could be the girl for me, she’s seems to have everything I want in a partner. But she deserves a hero and I’m afraid she’ll never see me as one now.”
Audrey knew she had anger issues. She had told herself she was going to try and not let that get in the way of her journey. She didn’t want go through this only to have none of the guys want her because she couldn’t keep her cool. However if she wanted to find her perfect match she needed to be herself, she wanted him to love her for her. She had read online that yoga was a good way to calm down and keep ones temper in check. Lucky for her we had equipped the house with a few yoga mats.
“I was really skeptical of that yoga mumbo jumbo. I’m supposed to believe that by chanting ommm and breathing is supposed to calm me from these boys stupidity….well I’m a believer.”
After her new found epiphany Audrey felt awful about how she had treated Arthur. In fact she felt bad about thinking poorly about all the guys.
“I was kinda surprised Audrey apologized. Honestly she seems like the type to not let things go.”
Audrey had finally calmed down, but Christopher Robbin was about to test this new peace she had.
“Hahaha, did I get her good. Pooh Bear always says what a big kidder I am.”
Pooh bear? You mean you’re stuffed bear tells you you’re funny? Maybe we should have done more in depth background checks on these guys. Anyways it was back to the yoga mat for Audrey.
“Ommm…I won’t punch Christopher Robbin in the face…ommm”
Audrey wasn’t the only one benefiting from her yoga.
“I’ve got to say Audrey does look fine in those short shorts. I might have to ruffle her feathers some more if it means I get to see her in them more often.”
All fire talk was finally over , which was perfect timing because the first solo competition was about to begin. I explained earlier that the guys would compete each week to win a solo date with our bachelorette. Each week the competition will be different. Also different this season is that winning doesn’t mean you can’t compete the next week. That’s right this season one guy could potentially win every solo date in a row. We thought this would push the guys to compete harder for the prize. Don’t worry we didn’t change everything, the winner of the solo date still has immunity that week and can’t be eliminated. So enough of the rule let’s find out what our first comp will be. Our first solo competition this season is titled “Everybody Dance Now”. All of our guys will show off their moves for Audrey. But they should be wise to not over do it. That’s because the last man dancing wins. It’s not about how good your moves are, it’s all about how long you can move. Looks like our guys are ready. Get your groove on boys!
“What a perfect challenge for me, Gaston taught me everything he knows. Well not so much taught me as me hiding in the bushes and watching him dance.”
“Dancing is fine.”
“Everyone thinks Dopey is the best dancer in my group of friends. Truth is I taught him everything he knows.”
“Boy these guys sure like to dance. I’m flattered that all the guys are trying so hard to win a date with me but it has been 2 hours. I’m getting a little bored here.”
“Pooh Bear says I have great moves, like a combination of Napolean Dynamite and Michael Jackson.”
The boys were taking a really long time with the challenge. Who would have thought they’d all be such dancing queens. Audrey decided to take matters into her own hands. She was going to get these guys to stop dance using the second thing that her mama told her all guys like…her butt!
“:::singing:::When I up, down and touch the ground, it puts me in the mood. Up, down and touch the ground, in the mood for food….sorry that’s a little song Pooh Bear sings, that pose Audrey was doing reminded me of that.”
“Seriously that didn’t work…maybe I should be worried. That’s it I’m calling this comp, I have something else these guys can compete in.”
Just like that Audrey told the guys the competition was over and they were moving it downstairs. She told them not to worry about being all sweaty from dancing for hours. This new competition would take care of that.
Instead of dancing the guys would now need to sink or swim. With all those hours of dancing under their belts I’m sure we’ll have a winner quickly. The boys have all stripped down to their suits and are ready to start, again.
“Much better. This way if these boys go for hours I can work on my tan and enjoy the view.
Working on your tan will have to wait for another day Audrey because as predicted the guys didn’t last too long. It had barely been 5 minutes before most of the guys dropped like flies.
Only one guy was still paddling around. The winner of the first solo date of the season is Kronk!
“I did, I did, Kronk rules but doesn’t drool. Well maybe sometimes, when I sleep.”
The other guys were down after losing the first competition. Not to mention they were hungry. They had been competing for the majority of the day after all.
“My legs are so tired. I’m almost glad I didn’t win the date. I wouldn’t be able stand up for it.”
Well you don’t have to worry about that Michael because you didn’t win the date Kronk did and he and Audrey are ready to go.
Just like last season our couples will explore all that Willow Creek has to offer. We’ve chosen some really great spots for the couples to relax, unwind and get to know each other better. A lot is riding on these dates, if they are successful true love could be in store. If they are disasters we may have a few early exits. So let’s find out where Audrey and Kronk will be enjoying their day. For our first date we have chosen Splish and Splash waterpark. Our couple will get to know each other while splashing around and sliding down the parks giant slide. The water is just the right temperature for love. Let’s see if Audrey and Kronk can stay a float.
“I haven’t been to a waterpark since I was 10. There was this boy I used to go with who would always try and dunk me whenever we were in the wave pool. The key word there being tried. Let’s see if Kronk has better luck.”
They started the date off by changing into something more appropriate. However they didn’t plan on having a spectator while they tried to flirt in the locker room.
“Hey old man I’m trying to put the moves on my lady. Can you stop being so creepy and move along?”
Audrey suggested they ditch their new friend and test out the pool. Kronk loved that idea.
“Audrey looks amazing in blue, speaking of blue did you see that sky. Sure is blue today.”
“I’m beginning to notice there’s not a whole lot going on upstairs with Kronk. But he sure is sweet and looks pretty damn good without a shirt on. Oh and without that silly hat. I hate the hat.”
It wasn’t long until our friend from the locker room found them. It seemed like he wanted to turn this date into a threesome. Kronk and Audrey on the other hand were going to make sure that never happened. Looks like it was time to ditch him one more time and hope it sticks.
“Seriously man stop following us…do you not get how creepy you are!”
Ditch attempt two seemed to be successful, they also mentioned to the park manager that their was a suspicious character down at the other end of the pool. Hopefully that will keep him away for a while. The two went back to enjoying their date.
“Kronk is a lot of fun. I’ve already forgotten about the fire on the second day.”
“Thank goodness we are surrounded by water. This brings down my chances of starting another fire.”
The date of awkward strangers continued as an elderly woman swam by in nothing but her birthday suit.
“At this point there was nothing more we could do but laugh at the situation. It was actually really telling of Kronks character that he was able to brush all this off and not let it upset him. I was starting to like him more and more with each crazy person we met.”
Audrey felt they had had enough water time for now and suggested they grab a drink. She was thinking more along the lines of a cocktail when Kronk ordered them root beer floats.
“There’s something about Kronk that makes me feel like teenager again. I just get all giddy and giggly around him. I want to take him into that locker room and play 7 minutes in heaven.”
It wasn’t exactly in the locker room and it wasn’t 7 minutes but Audrey did go in for the kiss. Kronk certainly wasn’t pushing her away.
“Am I dreaming, did that just happen. I know I’ll pinch myself. If this is a dream that’ll wake me up…OOOOUCHH! Not dreaming, totally awake.”
There was one last thing Audrey wanted to do before the date was over. She wanted to go on the slide. She was just hoping the creepy guy and naked old woman weren’t waiting for them at the top.
Thankfully they weren’t. Rather then go down the slide Audrey suggested they enjoy the view instead. Yeah that didn’t happen either. They were too busy making out with each other. I guess Audrey got her 7 minutes.
“Kronk really surprised me on this date. Honestly he wasn’t really even on my radar the first day. That’s definitely changed!”
“Best date ever!”
Audrey and Kronk weren’t the only ones feeling the love, back at the house a bro fest was happening.
“These guys do know we are here for a girl right?”
The happy couple returned from their date and both quickly retired to sleep, in separate rooms get your mind out of that gutter. In fact most of the house was asleep by the time they got back. That’s what five solid hours of dancing will do to you. Only a handful of guys were still up.
“Can you guys clear something up for me, is Pooh Bear an actual stuffed bear? Nah can’t be, what grown man has that type of obsession….oh did I tell you that I think I saw Gaston walking by the house earlier!”
Apparently you can’t stop the dancing in some people.
“That’s right I got moves like Jagger.”
The remaining boys finally went to sleep. We took this as an opportunity to do a little rearranging in the house. At the beginning we were worried that the boys would be spending all their time on the arcade game. When we should have been worried about the dance floor. I’m not kidding when I say about 80% of the time they’ve been in this house they’ve been dancing. Since this is the Bachelorette and not Dancing with the Stars we felt it necessary to get rid of the dance floor. I’m sure we’ll be hearing about in the morning. You think the guys will buy that we were robbed? Yeah only Kronk is falling for that line.
“I’m not really all that upset about you guys taking away the dance floor. Besides my legs are still cramping up from yesterday’s competition. Yoga is a much better form of exercise.”
The rest of the guys were actually pretty ok with no more dance floor. Kronk even said he doesn’t need one, he dances in his mind…whatever that means. It was a new day which meant the group date would be happening soon. Lefou was determined to steal Audrey away during the date to solidify his place in the house and her heart.
“I had a dream last night that Audrey and I were getting married. Gaston of course was my best man. It was amazing, we looked deeply into each others eyes and declared our love for each other….what me and Audrey of course, who did you think I was talking about?”
With the group date approaching , Audrey needed some alone time to unwind and get prepared. Nothing was going to interrupt her me time….nothing except having to use the bathroom.
“Never let your bladder get too full.”
Once Audrey relieved herself it was time to take the rest of the guys on the group date (once again since Kronk won the solo date he is not allowed on the group date). The group date was at a local sports bar. The Red Knight Llamas were taking on the Fighting Sad Clowns in a do or die playoff run. Audrey being a giant Sad Clowns fan requested we have the date somewhere she could watch the game.
She quickly got to work chatting up the guys. Truth be told she was trying to get a lot of the talking in before the game started. While chatting with Grumpy she learned that he was a Red Knight Llama fan. Would this be deal breaker for her.
“Learning Grumpy’s a Knightma really brought me down. I just don’t know if I could be with someone who has such poor taste in teams. How would we raise our kids?”
“The Knights have 25 championship titles while the Clowns, who are true to their name, have 3. Now you tell me who has the poor taste in teams.”
It was halftime and Audrey still hadn’t talked to all the guys. She was a little scared to find out where the other guys alligence lied.
“I don’t think Kocoum has said more then two words since he’s gotten here. But I can’t get that image of him topless out of my mind.”
“Things with Arthur have been good ever since our little tiff. Ok ever since I stopped be such a bitch to him. I still don’t feel a spark but it hasn’t even been a week yet. There’s plenty of time for that.”
It was late when Audrey and the guys got back home. The game had gone into a triple overtime with the Llamas edging out as the winner. The last thing Audrey wanted to do when they got home was socialize. She headed straight to bed. The guys did the same.
It was a new morning which meant a new day. A new day meant the first elimination was coming up. Audrey woke up before the boys. She took the time to enjoy some of the fun toys the house had to offer.
“I see Kronk beat my high score last night. I made sure to correct that.”
The boys were still not up yet so Audrey made herself breakfast.
“If these boys want to sleep all day they can be sure I’m not slaving away making breakfast for them. They can heat some pop tarts when they get up or I hear cereal’s pretty tasty.”
Audrey had just sat down to her yummy plate of eggs and bacon when the first sign of life in the house appeared. Shortly after all the boys made their way downstairs. You could tell a few were upset to not find a hot breakfast waiting for them.
“I get the whole female empowerment, burn the bra thing. But is frying a few extra eggs really setting women back centuries .”
“I grew up with a sister who did everything for me. That doesn’t mean I think a woman should have to do all of it. Heck I’d gladly stay at home with the kids and be Mr. Mom.”
Michael really wanted to share his feelings to Audrey about the role his wife would play but he was hesitant to do it in front of the other guys. So after breakfast he stole Audrey away for a private chat.
“It was really refreshing to hear Michael say how he didn’t think it was the woman’s job to take care of the house or the kids. It really shed a new light on him. I felt bad for not making as much as an effort with him this week. I hope he sticks around.”
Sadly we’ve come to that point in the week where we must say goodbye to one of our bachelors. As you know this season we have a new elimination challenge. Each week the remaining guys will need to work up a sweat and push their hardest so as to not be the first one to stop running. Because the first one to get off his treadmill will be eliminated. We all know, including the guys, that the eliminated house guest isn’t really gone. He will be sequestered upstairs, and wait for his turn to possibly reenter the game. Looks like the treadmills are all powered up so on your marks, get set, run!
“It’s no surprise I’m the most out of shape in this bunch. I don’t have a six pack like Kocoum or Kronk and I’m not a stick like Christopher Robbin. But don’t count out this tubby little train. What I lack in physical appearance I make up for in will power.”
“When I saw Michael trip up I thought for sure he was done. But he got right back up and kept running. He just keeps on impressing me today.”
It was looking like this was going to be another long challenge when all of the sudden a conversation was taking place between Arthur and Christopher Robbin. Their mics were off so we couldn’t for sure know what they were saying. But it almost looked like Arthur said I don’t need this, I’m out.
Two second later we had our first eliminated bachelor.
“Is it just me of did it look like Arthur just gave up…No he couldn’t have. He wanted to be here. He told me he did.”
“Yes I gave up. Truth is Audrey isn’t really my type. But if I want to be king I still need a wife. So yeah when the time comes to compete to get back in the house I’ll fight for it. Most royal marriages are a shame anyway. Who needs love when you got money and power.”
Looks like Audrey didn’t get the chance to know the real Arthur. Hopefully she never will. But we won’t know that for quite some time. What we do know is that there’s only one week until a whole new episode of the Bachelorette: Disney Sidekick Edition. We hope you’ll join us.